Remember one of those days? The kind that you got so frustrated about work and needed to vent it out to somebody. Even after being home for hours, you still felt frustrated and wanted to complain to your poor spouse or roommate. And maybe after a good BIG meal and some dessert with someone to listen to all these complaints you have, you start feeling a little bit better, just enough to go rest and start over again tomorrow.
I hear you, it’s normal. We all have things we are not happy about. It almost feels like that awkward moment between birth and death, aka life, are designed to just be filled with obstacles and frustrating people.
Why do they need to be such a _______? (curious what pops up in your head).
Complaining to release your frustration is like baking brownies in your oven, with the heat cranked up too high, and once in a while, you open the oven to let the heat come out. You are not saving your brownies from burning, you are just saving the oven from starting a fire.
Every time you complain about things, you might feel like you are getting some heat off your soul. But if you keep being frustrated and hot-headed, that heat is just gonna burn your heart until you can’t save it anymore. Isn’t it tiring?
But I’ll tell you a secret. You can start, right now, to change from complaints to compassion. It’s like you are tuning your oven to just the right temperature for perfect brownies, and it will make your heart cozy and warm 🙂
Here are a few steps you can start taking today:
Start with the most important person, you!
Because the person that needs compassion from you the most is yourself. Start today by celebrating a small success in your life. Don’t beat yourself up if anything goes wrong. Did you just have a cheat from your diet on a cup of great hot chocolate? It’s okay, you can start a strict diet again tomorrow. Did you achieve your weekly goal by cooking once a week? Yay! Good job! Every day can be great and life doesn’t need to be so hard. Be easy on yourself and start being happy 🙂
Don’t put yourself in someone’s shoes
Yes, you should not. Those shoes are theirs and not yours. You don’t need to try to be that person because you can’t. Sometimes, it’s about listening and understanding. Being a good listener will get you much further than you think. Even though you might never be in those shoes, you can listen to what a person says about their shoes and look at how they walk in those shoes.
Never refer to yourself
I used to be the same way but then… If it were me, I would…
Well, that person is not you, therefore, they can’t make the decision or force the same behavior as you. Even if it seems like the story is similar to yours, it is not the same one. There could also be a lot of things you don’t know about this story as well. Also, don’t focus on how things will affect you, try to keep your perspective on having compassion for the other person.
Give constructive feedback
Having compassion doesn’t mean you should never say anything or give feedback under any circumstances. Especially when it comes to important areas of your life like relationship or work. If something is not right, or some people are doing something frustrating, complaining about them is not gonna help either them or you. Giving constructive feedback will help you think before you speak. Here is a checklist you can follow to give constructive feedback:
- Reflect on what you are actually complaining about and find the facts in the situation or action.
- Look at both the good and bad side of the situation.
- Think about how things can be better.
- Then tell that person about what action needs attention, how it makes you feel, and how they can make it better. Directly and honestly without being emotional.
Those are just a few simple things you can start trying today. And trust me, your life will turn from feeling like a drained soul zombie to that feeling when you have those perfectly fresh-baked-warm brownies on a rainy day watching your favorite shows ❤
This blog is inspired by Chris who has such a great attitude and introduced this idea of having compassion over complaints.
Join the discussion